conference weekend

I have been extremely worn down lately. Feeling the weight of being a mother of five, a wife, a sister, and even a daughter. I think the stress of my Mom's sickness has really gotten to me. It is so difficult when someone you love is sick and there is nothing you can do to help. I think that most women including myself, are born fixers. We see a problem and we just want to fix it, right here and now. I want to be in control, I want to find a solution. With my Mom's cancer, I feel very helpless. I want to help her, but I can't.
I have also been feeling a bit overwhelmed with being a Mom. I hope I am not the only one who feels this way from time to time. When you feel like your best is not enough. When you feel as if every effort you make goes unnoticed and unappreciated, and every decision you make is the wrong one, and you wonder if you are totally screwing up your kids!!
O.k. I do have a point, I promise this blog entry is not all gloom and doom. My point is I was so very excited to hear conference this weekend. I needed it so badly. To feel the spirit speak to me that every thing will be alright. I was not disappointed!! Conference was wonderful. It is amazing how a few hours can makes weeks of heartache disappear. How wonderful is the gospel that it can make even hard times make sense.
My three favorite talks were President Monsons, Elder Russell Ballards, and Elder David Bednars. President Monsons talk inviting the "less active, the offended, the critical, the transgressor" to come back "and feast at the table of the lord and taste again the sweet and satisfying fruits of fellowship with the saints." I loved that comment, and thought of my own brothers as he spoke. I loved that I could see that he truly meant it as he said, "come back". I could feel his love for them as he spoke. I also enjoyed his closing comments about his family and his wife. Its good to see his sense of humor. Jason told me that at the priesthood session he talked of a little boy he noticed at a conference that he spoke at. This boy kept copying his every move. When he would scratch his head, the boy would scratch his head, if he crossed his legs the boy would cross his legs. The whole meeting this little boy copied him like this. So when he got up to speak, he wiggled his ears. Jason was laughing so hard at this, because our new prophet has, well, very large ears, and he said watching him wiggle them was quite the sight. President Monson said he knew that this was one thing this little boy could not do. He is such an awesome man, and it was very cool getting to sustain him.
Elder Ballard's talk, was for me, very uplifting. To hear the wonderful comments he made on mothers and how difficult and yet wonderful, motherhood can be, I felt as if he was talking directly to me. I liked the comment he made that "there is no one perfect way to be a good mother" he said what matters is that " a mother loves her children deeply, and in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else." He also urges young mothers to live in the moment more, enjoying each day of their child's development, but still encouraging mothers to take time for themselves. Reminding us that we only have them in our homes for a very short period of time. I do think this is something I need to do more. I feel like I often rush through the day and my to do list, not taking the time to really enjoy my kids. I really needed this wonderful talk.
I also loved Elder Bednar's talk about prayer and action. It helped me to see that even though I feel helpless right now with my Mom's illness, I can take action and through prayer, get the answers I need. I feel so full of love and the spirit tonight. I am truly thankful for a prophet to guide and lead us. I know that President Monson is a true prophet, I know that the quorum of the twelve and the seventy have been called of God to serve today. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ is the only true church on the earth today. I am thankful for my savior Jesus Christ and for his atoning sacrifice he made for me. I am thankful for my Father in heaven, who I know loves me, and has made a way for me to return and live with him again. I am thankful for the plan of salvation, that I can be with my family forever . I am thankful for the Holy Ghost, that he bares witness of these things to me. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.